capri my beloved: a list

So a few nights ago at four am I finished re-reading the Captive Prince series for the first time in years and can I just say??? WOW

Like there's so much I didn't appreciate the first time around. I read it when I was in high school, and while I haven't fundamentally changed as a person, my tastes have definitely grown older with me. In those days, I loved soulmate AUs and the idea that there was a single fated person out there waiting for you--your other half, that missing puzzle piece, as punishment the gods split us into two, etc etc. These days I know a little more about other halves. More specifically it's that they don't exist, and that that's okay. Relationships are about work and patience a little bit of luck--maybe that's where the magic comes in, and we call it fate--but whenever I see the soulmate tag on ao3 I think ah, no thanks. Not my cup of tea anymore.

But now I'm older! And I've taken a few more lit classes and have lived a little more and read a lot more. Here are some rambly things that I missed about capri then, in no particular order:

1. The story begins and ends with Damen in the baths. Now I KNOW this isn't a revelation, but it was still so cool to realize when I finished reading. He begins chained and ends chained, but the circumstances surrounding how he got there are so radically different I didn't notice the first time around. Damen begins and ends the series chained by someone he loves, but it's only in the second instance that the chaining is actually an act of setting him free--free from the burden of having to kill Kastor.
2. Justice in Damen and Laurent's relationship. Justice lies at the core of their relationship (along with shared trust and experiences of abandonment etc etc.) in that they reach complete understandings of each other as people. Damen kills Laurent's brother; Laurent kills Damen's. In and of itself, that isn't justice. The act of fratricide--especially Laurent's--is not restorative, is not justice. But it's necessary. Even if they can never fully accept the loss of their brothers, they come to truly understand why the other person did it. That is justice, justice for the wrongdoing of the Regent, justice for all they have suffered: complete acceptance. Unconditional love. They will never betray one another, a fact that Laurent was counting on when he gave himself up. They literally defeat the Regent with the power of love (and an army and lots of other things, but. Love, man).
3. Another major theme of the series: choices and their consequences. Jokaste, Nicaise, and Aimeric are the ones who are most closely tied to this theme imo. At what point do our actions become not wholly our own? How far can we shift the blame for choices we made while under duress? Laurent says that Nicaise and Jokaste didn't have a choice, and I think I'm inclined to agree with him. (Seriously, fuck the Regent). It doesn't matter that there is technically always a choice--if the choice is to die instead of fight, then there really isn't one, is there? And for better or for worse, they must face the consequences. Jokaste flees without her child and the man she loved, exiled but alive. Aimeric and Nicaise (sobs) are not so lucky. Laurent understands this; to fight for your own survival in and of itself is not a crime, but you have to live with the things you do in that fight. (Aaaand we're back to Damen and Auguste's battle at Marlas. MAN I love this series).
4. Which brings us to!! Doing what is necessary. Damen said Father, I can beat him, and then he did so honorably, against an honorable man. Laurent became something he was never meant to be--put down his books and took up his sword, in order to protect himself and the people who rely on him. And they both live with it!! They always choose the just thing, the moral thing, even if it's the most difficult thing, even if it hurts themselves. At the end of Kings Rising it's literally that meme where characters A and B get stuck in a never-ending loop of self-sacrifice, and it's so good, because they're both fighting for each other, for the goodness they know exists in each other. Damen says it best, since it's from his POV and he never has an issue talking about how much he loves Laurent: And when I left him, drugged and without friends after an attack on his life, I saw him stand up in front of his uncle and argue to save my life because he felt he owed me a debt. He knew that it might cost him his life...And still he argued for me. He did it because it was owed, because in the very private code with which he ran his life, it was right...He has more honor and integrity than any man I have ever met.
5. They are whole people on their own, but they are their best selves when together. This is related to my latest perspectives on soulmates--they are not each other's other half, but are instead each other's greatest complements. What one lacks, the other makes up for. You have the more obvious brains/brawn dichotomy, but even that is hazy at times--Damen also consistently helps Laurent out-think his uncle, who is arguably the most cunning characters in the entire series. When Laurent gets angry, he gets careless, whereas I think Damen sees things more clearly--or at least, he sees what needs to be done more clearly. He helps Laurent find control again so that he can think through his next move and not just lash out, like he does with Aimeric. You know that post that's like "oh, they're like 90% of my impulse control" or something? Literally their dynamic: [Damen's] got all these ideas about honor and fair play, and he tries to keep me from doing the wrong thing. But he's not here right now. Unfortunately for you. It's SO GOOD, because in a lesser series you might get Laurent pulling all the strings and Damen being the meathead who can't control himself and that's it, but their dynamic is so much more than that. And they also can stand full well on their own--they have dreams, aspirations, acquaintances, subjects. To a certain extent, friends. But because of how they balance each other out, and because of their ranks as princes, Laurent is the only one in Damen's world who is truly his equal, and vice versa. They make each other stronger, better people.
6. And they were narrative foils *gasp* and they were narrative foils. This is evident down to the sentence level, in way Pacat recalls and transforms certain scenes and lines. The one I can think of off the top of my head now is: You're unarmed. So are you. (SO GOOD!!!) It's all about the symmetry, and the transformation across that line of symmetry, the things that have changed since the first time. There comes to be a sense of completion, that sweet sweet catharsis. Their roles about who is ignorant of Damen's identity* and who is knowledgeable, who is armed and who is not, who is the brother-killer and who is the brother--they trade hands, then shake. That's why they understand each other so completely, because of their shared experiences past and present, and how those experiences brought and bring them together. Capri is literally about the transformative power of love, what the hell. (*ik technically Laurent knew the whole time but like. There is a difference between knowing and understanding, which is what Laurent fully realized when Damen returned to him as a fellow prince and not a slave. They both knew, then, and that made a difference).
7. On a less shippy note: the Regent got exactly what he deserved. No fanfare, no chance to give a villain's speech about why he did all the shit he did. Pacat just fucking chopped his head off, because he didn't deserve anything less than death, and that's awesome. Good for Laurent. Rot in hell Regent.

I also well and truly appreciate the enemies to lovers now, as well as the sweet sweet angst. It's just--SO good. Baby hamster had been very concerned with the ethics of things being ProblematicTM. Present-day hamster has no such qualms. Gimme all the painful, morally ambiguous shit in the name of love, man.

And that's all for now! I love this series so much. It's smart, it's sexy, it's so much fun. And it has a happy ending, while some other series with blonde geniuses and traumatic childhoods and dead older brothers do not (*glares at Banana Fish*) (I love BF but man fuck the ending lol). In my opinion, capri's ending is perfect. Of course I'd still love to see some healing on Laurent's part, as well as some more porn lol, but that's what fic is for.

And God, I can't even complain about how it ends right as things begin to wind down. Because Pacat has a way of ending a scene on the highest note in the entire goddamn movement, then holding it there for you to drown in.